I created this site to display the things I like and personalize my page to my hearts desire, also because I dispise social media it sucks so much (I was an artist posting on social media for 3-4 years, it was terrible, would not reccommend that shit!!) As a former social media artist, I do not recommend doing that, the funnest thing on to do on there is to leave, it's for your own sake. ←hehehe "sake" like the Japanese Liquor-- I should shut up...
I like the 2000's net better since the main sites/apps online now look so empty and corporate, and everyone's profile looks the exact same, just with different usernames and icons,, and an algorithm decides want you see, plus when I used to upload my art on social media I would get bullied and I would get my art stolen (On foreign sites my art was being used to train image generators, my art was getting reuploaded without my permission on some ~Booru sites with rude tags making fun of the illustration and it was later uploaded to erotic illustration websites as well, I was being making fun of on a foreign forum for a whole year without me knowing and my works were reuploaded in full there, people would comment rudely and carelessly on my art, and more... (my pathetic self already gets bullied 5 days a week + behind my back as well, I dont need to get bullied on the damn internet too, that's the only freedom I have.)
I don't wanna be popular anymore, I just wanna live now (and I'm only barely holding on...) - I don't wanna die popular anymore, I just wanna die in peace!! I deleted all my art off of social media June of this year after reaching 1,000+ followers, and I decided to become a 蒸発(I don't know how to translate this to make it make sense in English, "evaporater" maybe?), because I came to the sudden realization that 1,000+ followers doesn't mean shit because none of them truely care for me and wouldn't realize if I just up and disappeared one day,
unfortunately the internet never forgets anything and my old illustrations and posts are still floating on the internet somewhere, but there's only so much I can do, I've tried deleting and erasing as much as I can.
I'm glad I made this website because now html. and css. are now one of my hobbies, and now I hold so much power than I ever have, I can be as unhinged and honest as I really am, and put a bunch of jumpscares on here If I wanted, and no one can complain cus' my website, my rules!!
- I haven't felt happiness since 2006 (I was not alive in 2006, I was born in 2010.) I'm sorry that most of the time when I type it's pretty negative but I have no one to talk to and I can't hold it in anymore and pretend like I'm good,, Despite this website's cute-ish and moe moe theme I am a bitter person deep inside who wishes to just disappear and cut off any human contact (´・ω・`)
- Both of my shoulders are dislocated, my right, my drawing hand, is the more dislocated of the two, I can move my shoulders back and forth at will, but it's not painful somehow, I don't know how they got dislocated, they've always been like that as far as I can remember and also I have a very tense and constant pain in my neck due to my posture when I paint, every time I touch it, it hurts bad and my whole body feels paralyzed, I assure you I'm fine though (I think) (´・ω・`) I always knew my art would be the death of me...
- According to my sorting of my finished + rough illustrations between 2024～2021, the characters I've drawn most in general are Miku Hatsune (Vocaloid) in number 1, Osamu Dazai (Bungou Stray Dogs) in number 2, and Luka Megurine + Rin Kagamine (Vocaloid)... In first place, I have in total more than 100 drawings of Miku as well as 1 animated PV... Speaking of this, I must give you a piece of advice.. don't doubt peoples' love for their oshis (favourite charcters)....
I am 人間失格 -No Longer Human- (Maschinenstürmer), I am 14 years old.
I am an artist, painter, and a beginner at html. and css.
* Also my name is supposed be read as "Ningen Shikkaku No Longer Human"
Fun facts + not fun facts about me!!!
- My name is a refrence to the Osamu Dazai novel "No Longer Human (人間失格)"... That novel has changed my life, for better or for worse I don't know... usually I read psychological books to laugh at people be worse than I am (I'm an asshole and a terrible person)
but when I read this novel I felt called out because the main character, Oba Yozo is too relatable, maybe I've been disqualified from being human for a long time now and I've only realized it now, it makes sense... if you havent read it you should it's very good
When I read it, I was very depressed cus' a lot of bad things happened to me constantly(It was so bad for that entire month I stopped drawing and painting altogether, the normal me would never do that cus' that's the only thing that gives me an illusion of purpose cus' I've failed everything else so badly most of the people in my life think I'm mentally disabled!! I don't even remember what I would do during that time... self-pitying probably maybe?), after reading the novel, I was still very depressed, but I realized it will probably get worse in the future and I might end up like Oba Yozo, 95.5% chance 人生オワタ_(:з)∠)_ Day by day, the name "人間失格 -No Longer Human-" becomes less of a screen name and a joke, but more of a truth...
- The site name is a refrence to the AND ONE song "Maschinenstürmer"... I chose that because when I first created the site I was listening to that song at 100 volume and I like Stürmung der Maschinen and I Kampf dem Wahn cus I'm the Maschinenstürmer after all,
anyways I am the 1# AND ONE fan I love them so much one time I had dream that I was in a mental institute and the singer of the band, Steve Naghavi was there too and be played some of his songs on a CD player and told me "Buy my album, Motherfucker" affectionately, some may say I'm crazy but I think it's a sign from god that I should buy an AND ONE album,♪I love you to the end, Tell me, tell me who's the man on your side? Who's your light now? I love you to the end, Tell me, tell me who's the man? Tell me, who's the man?♪
- I am studying Japanese (in secret, if I told anyone in real life about it I'd be laughed at so much...), I have had my Phone in full Japanese and my Computer partially in Japanese for over a year now and I've also been playing games in Japanese and I've learned lots of new words from them lmao, my Japanese is still pretty choppy though, I wanna go to Japan someday and be Big in Japan, cus' things are easy when you're Big in Japan (According to the hit song Big in Japan by Alphaville) - Oh goddamit! I made another music refrence again!!! *dies* ...(*￣０￣)ノ I swear the more smarter I get in Japanese the more stupider I become in English
