人間失格のにっき No Longer Human's diary
2025/03/16 - School starts again tomorrow and I'm stressed. Lately I keep on scratching at my skin without realizing and I keep on hurting myself (unintentionally and intentionally)
Also, this website hit 99 followers, who are you all and why do you care about my stupid website, are you all even real or am I dreaming (´・ω・`)？ When I made this back in August(?) I tried making this website has hard to find as possible, so where and how did you guys find my site？┌( ´_ゝ` )┐ Also reaching 99 followers on here is crazy because like 5~6 months ago I didn't know what a html and a css was
2025/03/15 - Revised and wrote more of my manga script, drew some covers, and mapped out the first few pages.
Oh and I also I drew Dazai-san(BSD) (´・ω・`), I honestly don't remember when though.
Also I started reading the manga "Kasane" by Matsuura Daruma... It's very.. interesting
2025/03/14 - I polished some character designs and drew an illustration of them. I also drew Miku-chan and Yuyuko-chan on a thin piece of paper with cheap markers,
by the time I had finished, the entire drawing was visible from the backside since all the markers had bled through the paper pretty bad.
2025/03/13 - I became addicted to "It's a Sin" by Pet Shop Boys. Also my cat won't stop going into the bathtub for some reason (´・ω・`)
Also I watched the movie "Mysterious Skin" because one of my friends recommended me to watch it, and I have one question for them - Are you okay? like I'm concerned... But it wasn't a bad movie, it was pretty uncomfortable to get through though...
2025/03/12 - I became addicted to "月下の夜想曲" by Malice Mizer and to "Wrong" by Depeche Mode.
I originally recognized "月下の夜想曲" by Malice Mizer from a AMV of the movie Shoujo Tsubaki/Midori.
The lyrics for "Wrong" by Depeche Mode describe my life perfectly and the music video looks like what my future is going to look like eheh.. (´・ω・`)
I also drew more character designs.
2025/03/11 - I sketched out some cover art, character designs, and panels for my manga - I have a suspision I'm going to be dead before I finish this but oh well... the world would not lose out on much if that did happen(´・ω・`)
2025/03/10 - I spent a few hours cleaning up the script and adding in more lines, so far I'm 125 lines in, and chapter one isn't even done yet... Also I'm working on a PV for a obscure Hatsune Miku song I really like,
it was so obscure I had to translate the lyrics into English myself because no one else has - I won't say much else because I can't fully promise it will come out one day, but I'll still be trying
2025/03/09 - There's an assignment I have due tommorow but I didn't wanna do it because even if I tried I couldn't finish all of it, so I got bored and made a v-tuber model(´・ω・`) (my computer suffered greatly)
I don't know what drove me to do it, I wrote the script for the first chapter of my manga revolving around my orginal characters, completely in Japanese, at 2am in the morning. I love purposefully neglecting school for my art, I wish I could dropout - I have no use for it anyways since I'm not learning anything and I hate everyone there, plus I'm definately not going to college/university because I just wanna be free in my life at least once for a change.
2025/03/08 - I drew Yuyuko-chan(Touhou) (´・ω・`)
2025/03/07 - I couldn't sleep because I had a long disturbing and grotesque nightmare (... I'll write about it later) the entire night, so I was tired all day, and I got a 30/60 on a test (´；ω；｀) I drew Miku-chan in class. I also finished my drawing of Dazai-san, I'm glad I did, because I haven't made a finished illustration in over a month. (´・ω・`) one problem... my entire hand is numb now...
2025/03/06 - Today, I drew Miku-chan on one of my science papers and my classmate complimented me (while copying my answers) (´・ω・`) (the answers where probably not right I just guessed them). I also finally got a 100% on a geography assignment which was a project about climates around the world, mines was about the climate of Hokkaidou, I'm so glad because so far I've only been getting failing or barely passing grades in geography, I also got a 75% on a previous assignment, I'm happy (≧▽≦) I also drew Miku-chan two other times.
2025/03/05 - So last night I did not sleep at all because I was up listening to old favourite songs of mine from previous years - Early AND ONE, Rammstein, MASA WORKS DESIGN, Nashimoto Ui,...
When I listen to music, I get visions of exact animated PVs/MVs of my original and favourite characters to the song, as well as story ideas,
it must sound pretty stupid but this is what I lose sleep over.. along with incessant self loathing but we don't talk about that (´・ω・`)
Today I drew Yuyuko-chan(Touhou) and Miku-chan(Vocaloid) twice in school. For the first time in a long while I drew on my phone again,
I drew Dazai-san(BSD), although right now it's only a sketch. I wish I had a tablet to draw on though (つω`｡) drawing on a phone a lot for 6-ish(?) years
has caused my hand lots of pain since the posture isn't natural, I can barely see what I'm drawing, and when I transfer it to my PC and share it the colours
turn out really.. really.. off... in fact that's why my art looks very high saturated, since on my phone it looks desaturated for me,
also my phone crashes a lot and corrupts files frequently gaaaaaaaaaah (″ロ゛) honestly I prefer MS paint but I can't do smooth lines with it soo..
2025/03/04 - I made a shrine page for Yuyuko-chan(Touhou), and I also worked on my other shrine pages - Hatsune Miku, Chiruno, Yuuka, AND ONE...
I added many songs to all the pages and I edited some of the wording to be more clear. Also, I became addicted to the song "Take on Me" by A-ha,
I don't remember when or where I heard that song, but it's very familiar...
2025/03/03 - I drew Dazai-san(BSD), Yuuka-chan (Touhou), and a big dango family(Clannad refrence (´・ω・`)). I also got a good mark on a science project, I'm glad.(*´ω｀*)
I also read a bit of Franz Kafka's novel "The Trial" in school. I've also been addicted to the song "Shout" by Tears for Fears, I used to hear it in bad audio quality on radio stations years ago,
I found the song by typing the chorus into Google, it feels relieving to finally hear it in HD audio after all these years. (＠＾◡＾)
2025/03/02 - Today is my birthday, a lonely one. Just a few years ago I would get messages and presents from my friends and my parents & other family would celebrate with me, guess those days are long gone,
but seriously spending all the holidays (Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day..) and a birthday alone can't be good for someone, I think. One part of me thinks it's bad, the other part says it's to be expected and I need to grow up.
2025/03/01 - I polished the index a bit more. A intense stabbing pain came when I tried drawing with my right hand, and then my hand got worse throughout the day and I kept on dropping things.
So, I drew some characters I'm familiar with using my left hand instead, Miku-chan(Vocaloid), Dazai-san(BSD), Reimu-chan(Touhou), and Haruhi-chan(Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya).
Honestly, I didn't expect it to even look like them at all since I've never drawn with my left hand, but it did somewhat I guess. One thing about drawing with my left hand, it took a while,
I moved my pencil very slowly to draw lines, and I had to concentrate intensely or else I'd mess up badly.
But it was fun, I guess I always like finding tedious ways to draw - MS paint w/ mouse, Chrome Canvas & Sketchpad w/ touchpad, Google memo, chalkboards, whiteboards, in sand, in snow(without gloves),
even on my laminated Student ID card with a dull pencil after I finished an exam early, wonder how I'll explain why there are moe anime girls on my ID next time I get asked...
2025/02/28 - I spent hours today working on the new index, I changed it because it was too outdated, had not much space for writings and pictures,
and took a very long time to load due to large files, espcially the background image. So I restarted the page from scratch using a different sozai layout template,
I also combined the text from my 2nd "atashi ni tsuite page" with the text already on the index, I feel like things are better that way, also because I don't need 2
atashi ni tsuite pages, I'll be getting rid of it soon.
2025/02/27 - I drew Kyouka-chan(BSD) and multiple big dango families (It's a Clannad Reference w(´・ω・`) dango dango daikazoku～) all over my math worksheets.
I did a class presentation today and it went well and my teacher liked it, I'm glad. (*´ω｀*)
2025/02/26 - I drew Chiruno-chan and Yuuka-chan(Touhou) in class.
I also listened to a lot of old songs I used to listen to during 2021-2022 (vocaloid, dream/weirdcore,...) , cus' I swear nothings been the same since then,
I miss those times, when it was just me and two of my anime-obsessed friends and we would talk forever and ever and do silly things.
But that's been over for two years now, they stopped watching anime and instead starting liking only popular things and becoming obsessed with boys (which we used to make fun of others for doing),
then they threw me away because I was a detriment to "their reputation", good things can ony last so long....
2025/02/25 - I drew Reimu-chan, Marisa-chan, Sanae-chan, and Chiruno-chan(Touhou) on paper and I drew Haruhi-chan (Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya) on a school computer.
Also I'm failing every class, but I'm tired of trying, last semester I tried my hardest only to get grades below average but just decent enough to pass (65% and 67%),
meanwhile my ex-friends and everyone else in my school cheats off of each other and harasses others for answers get 80%-90%, and they get favourited by teachers and staff by hiding their true rotten selfs,
God let me die already I hate this place (×_×)⌒☆ I might be dead before I even finish highschool and I wish the worst for everyone there fuck you all! ＼(^o^)／
Anyways, I plan on adding links to the songs mentioned and embedding my drawings/images here, but that may take a while since I forgot 99% of the things here happened (´・ω・`)
Also I watched Clannad ♪(^∇^*)I did watch it a few years ago but I only watched a few eps and didnt follow the storyline that much
2025/02/24 - Where do I start.. Well I drew Reisen-chan(Touhou) on paper, and Yuuka-chan(Touhou) on a school computer.
I also got bored in class and I won 5 games of Mahjong on the computer, It was fun ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ
I got a panic attack from a suprise class presentation no one told me about ＼(^o^)／, but my teacher let it slide, I'm glad. (*￣▽￣)b
I also got called down to the office randomly and missed half of my last class and I hurt my wrist by writing notes.
I'm super tired aaaaaaa, doesn't help that I had to run to class in the morning (☆_@)
2025/02/23 - I drew Yuyuko-chan and Youmu-chan(Touhou). I also worked a lot on my original characters' stories and designs.
2025/02/22 - I just translated (almost) 2 months of diary entries from Japanese, hence why some of the phrasing is off,
I also ommitted a lot of "Fuck you"s(directed at my ex-friends(turned assholes), classmates, and teachers) and "I wanna die"s because they're not nesscesary.
And if you saw any mispellings no you didn't. Also there are a lot of null entries because I have memory loss.. and I don't think it's a joke anymore
I would honestly not have remembered any of this if I hadn't written it down(´・ω・`)
As for today, I've been revisiting old playlists from 2020-2023 and it's disturbing how now
I understand all the Japanese lyrics for creepy Vocaloid songs so now they're even more unnerving than they would be years ago... Hatsune Miku please don't kill me
Also Earlier I gave my cat a bath and he threw a tantrum, but now he's asleep on my bed (o´▽`o)
2025/02/21 - I watched the movie "Kamikaze Girls" and ate lots of leftover valentines chocolate that wasn't even mine (´・ω・`)
2025/02/18 - I drew Dazai-san. The illustration is not as detailed as they usually are because my hand is still in pain.
You see if anyone else broke their hand they would take a break, but I'm too metal for that (´・ω・`)
Also I became addicted to AND ONE's song "Zeit ohne Zeit", the lyrics are too good...
2025/02/17 - I became addicted to Nine Inch Nail's song "Closer" and AND ONE's song "Men in Uniform".
2025/02/16 - I tried to do a school assignment but my cat kept on trying to bring attention to himself, so I gave up and played with him instead.
2025/02/15 - I became addicted to AND ONE's song "Tanz der Arroganz".
2025/02/14 - Celebrating Valentines day alone with my cat and my broken arm. Also I began working on a shrine for Chiruno-chan(Touhou), my cat was amused by it
and he jumped onto my desk and started staring at it.
2025/02/13 - Today was a snow day. I fell and hit my hand and I broke something and blood went everywhere, I also had a seizure right after.
First, everything was covered with black and purple dots, then a bunch of colours started rapidly flashing and all I could hear was a piercing screeching sound.
All while I was home alone with my cat who just stared at me confused.
Anyways after all of that I pirated 6GB of music from my PC to my phone and tablet and drew Dazai-san on Microsoft Paint(´・ω・`)
2025/02/11 - I drew Kyouka-chan(BSD), Rena-chan(Higurashi no Naku Koro ni), and Haruhi-chan(Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya) in school today.
2025/02/09 - I drew Miku-chan(Vocaloid) and Teto-chan(UTAU).
2025/02/08 - I was feeding my cat some yougurt and he started standing up and trying to take the yougurt out of my hands with his paws... who does he think he is
2025/02/05 - I drew Haruhi-chan(Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya).
2025/02/01 - I drew Dazai-san, Kyouka-chan, and Atsushi-kun(BSD).
I've gotten addicted to AND ONE's songs "Recover You" and "Friend of Stars".
2025/01/31 - I drew Dazai-san(BSD). I'm starting to think my life will never get better (unless I die or move schools/dropout).
2025/01/30 - I updated my homepage moe moe kyun!!☆
2025/01/29 - After trying so hard in school I wasn't even able to get good grades. ＼(^o^)／ I'm gonna die
2025/01/27 - I drew Dazai-san(BSD).
2025/01/26 - I drew Dazai-san(BSD).
2025/01/24 - I drew Kyouka-chan, Atsushi-kun, and Akutagawa-kun(BSD).
I also became addicted to AND ONE's song "Only One".
2025/01/21 - I did a final exam for English class. I also drew Sakura Miku-chan(Vocaloid).
I also got in a lot of work on AND ONE's shrine page.
2025/01/18 - Today I drew Rena Ryuugu (Higurashi Naku no Koro ni).
I also became addicted to the song "Das Licht" by Structure.
2025/01/17 - I became addicted to Yoshimi Iwasaki's song "Touch" after playing it on Taiko no Tatsujin.
2025/01/16 - Today I drew a finished illustration of Dazai-san(BSD).
I also became addicted to Chemlab's song "Suicide Jag" after finding it on a Industrial Music compliation.
2025/01/15 - I'm really busy lately. I drew Dazai-san(BSD), and I drew Miku-chan(Vocaloid) in class.
2025/01/14 - Today I drew Dazai-san(BSD). In school I also drew Miku-chan and Luka-chan(Vocaloid).
2025/01/13 - I redid the index of my site a bit. I've gotten addicted to AND ONE's song "Body Nerv".
2025/01/12 - I also read two... questionable (and by that I mean bad)
adaptations of Osamu Dazai's novel "No Longer Human", both were terrible ero-guro pieces,
not to mention one of them randomly added incest, sexual assault, and murder when it made no sense to do so??
The original novel's story was dark enough, adding random vile things as shock value will not make an adaptation any better because it's not needed.
after all of this, my eyes are in pain and I will be spending the next hours looking at moe anime girls to forget about what I saw, moe moe kyun!☆ (God let me die already)
2025/01/11 - I finished the drawing of Reimu-chan(Touhou).
On Microsoft Paint I drew Miku-chan in AND ONE style.
2025/01/10 - I am lonely and really busy. Today I drew Reimu-chan(Touhou).
I've also become addicted to the AND ONE songs on their album "S.T.O.P." called "The End of Your Life" and "Get It!".
2025/01/08 - Today I finished that illustration of Dazai-san(BSD) I made yesterday.
Also in class I drew Yuyuko-chan(Touhou).
Lately I've been feeling less human and more like a ghost, "No Longer Human" if you will.
2025/01/07 - Today I have a new found rebellion, I've finally left those demons I called friends.
Maybe god was giving me a sign that I don't need them when on the last day before winter break, they ditched walking home with me.
Anyways, in class I watched "Chiikawa" for the entire period.
Today I also drew Dazai-san(BSD), but I'm too tired to fully finish it now.
I've become addicted to the AND ONE "H.A.T.E" and to the Rammstein song "Morgenstern".
2025/01/06 - God please help me, today's been horrible. My friends are full of shit, just being near them makes me wanna die immediately.
My life is over ＼(^o^)／
2025/01/05 - Mayday! Mayday! I have school tommorrow but I don't wanna confront reality... anyways my phone broke so now my last resort is to
play a pirated verion of Taiko no Tatsujin on my PC with a mouse, but on the bright side I got 98% accuracy on one song I played (´・ω・`)
Today I also rough sketched some of my orginal characters. My entire IbisPaint X gallery got corrupted, but luckily after waiting for 1 hour
the files were restored, I'm glad..
2025/01/04 - My ears are ringing after listening to AND ONE for hours on end,
I'm really addicted to their song on the album "Virgin Superstar" called "Don't Need the Drugs".
And I watched a full playthrough of LSD Dream Emulator and my head hurts now as well, hehehehe funny LSD. (I think I'm blind)
Today I also drew Osamu Dazai (Bungou Stray Dogs), I love him so much I would gradually eat all the parts of a motorcyle for him (´・ω・`)
2025/01/03 - I have many illustration ideas now, I will quit being human, and become an Industrial drawing machine from now on ufufufu~
Today I went to a mall and I got plushies of Hachiware and Usagi of Chiikawa and I also got Sanrio My Melody stickers.
My cat is sitting on my keyboard right now and he gets mad everytime I try to type.
2025/01/02 - I drew Yuyuko Saigyouji(Touhou),
I also started working on the AND ONE shrine.
2025/01/01 - I drew Reimu Hakurei and Marisa Kirisame(Touhou). I also finished playing "Higurashi no naku koro ni", Rena Ryuugu-chan is my oshi now (´・ω・`) hauu sho kyuute!!!
